Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
