my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What drink are we having for lunch?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
