Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
