Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
