Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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