Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
