OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
