i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
