i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
