so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
