Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
