I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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