so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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