i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
