Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
