do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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