Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Small penises have feelings too.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
