I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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