I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
