I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
