do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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