So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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