explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize