So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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