He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
