I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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