It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
