i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
