I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
