You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
