Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
