Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
