you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize