I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
