im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
