Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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