1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
