Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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