ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
