My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
