She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize