I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
