don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize