I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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