so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you had me at cake vodka
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
