listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
foreskin is a definite game changer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
