They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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