i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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