nut hugger
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
