Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
