I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
