Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize