If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
