the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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