dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
