If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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