Can Purell be used as lube?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
