Having a random hookup so left but love u
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
