She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize