idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
sex in a hospital.. check
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
