I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
