You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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