Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
