someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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