If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize