idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
