it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
