Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
