but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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