Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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